The reaction hurt. Out of all the people I verbally talked to, only two were genuinely excited for my news. The rest were surprised and uncertain how to react. It was almost as if it was a disappointment. I wasn't surprised. It is a social construct that is not part of conditioned reaction. It does not fit into learned social pattern. As a result people react as they do with anything strange.
It still hurt.
The reaction hurt. Out of all the people I verbally talked to, only two were genuinely excited for my news. The rest were surprised and uncertain how to react. It was almost as if it was a disappointment. I wasn't surprised. It is a social construct that is not part of conditioned reaction. It does not fit into learned social pattern. As a result people react as they do with anything strange.
It still hurt.
There are certain things in life we only get to do once. One shot. We prepare for it by planning in intricate detail the perfect scenario: the right words to say, the backdrop, and the outcome. I had dreams how the moment would go. On top of a hill with the city lights behind us, or at the park where we first fell in love. I would drop down to my knee, bring out the ring, and look into his eyes and pray that I am good enough.
I've known Derek for almost four years now. We've been together for the longer half of two years. We've lived together for almost one. For the longest time I wanted to ask, but I held back waiting for the right moment. Life never goes according to plan.
After our double date last night we were sitting in the car talking. IT came up. My heart gave one solid thud and the words escaped my mouth. There was no ring, there was no cascading waterfall with a brilliant sun shining through the canopy and no ring. It was just the two of us on a rainy night in a car parked on a street in downtown Portland with foggy windows.
It didn't feel right. It didn't feel enough. So I dragged him out onto the sidewalk and went down to one knee and asked him again. For the first time in a very long time I didn't care who was around watching. I told him I didn't care what we call it, or each other. I just want to spend the rest of my life with him.
He said yes.
